Friday, December 4, 2009

Have you ever been kissed .........

She leaned in to where I sat, her hair falling around my face, encasing it in our own little world. Looking into her eyes, I felt her lips on mine, soft, giving. I felt her in my entire body, all the dirt falling away. I felt like a boy being kissed for the first time.


Thursday, November 26, 2009

true story

Oleg looked at Marge sleeping, he loved her when she was sleeping, he missed her when she was away. When Marge was awake and speaking Oleg wished she would go away or slit her wrists or his wrists. Oleg was perplexed, was this his lot in life? All he wanted to do is love her, this should be simple. Marge hated life and felt she had been dealt a shitty hand, Oleg being part of that hand, it was only when she was sleeping that she didn't think about it. They grew old together, bitter and perplexed, they died together in a horrible freak propane explosion in the back yard, barbecuing, bitter and perplexed.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

is that a bicycle horn in your pocket or.........

As long as Gladys could remember she has always been turned on by clowns. When she was younger this confused her, she would ask her boyfriends to be clowns for Halloween just so she could fuck'em in the makeup, but it wasn't the same. The clowns she would pickup at circus's, carnival's or even kids birthday party's did it for her. Alcohol on the breath, fat belly, stained costumes, someone coming apart at the seams, dressed all happy; this is what turned her on most. She tried running around with a circus, but that didn't work, she didn't want to know them she discovered, she just wanted to blow them. Gladys friends stopped inviting her to there kid's birthday party's when they kept noticing the attention she paid to the clowns, not appropriate in front of the children you see. When this happened Gladys opened a catering business for children's birthday party's so she could have all the broken disgusting clown's she wanted and lived happily ever after.
the end.

Friday, November 13, 2009

surrogate yummy

I walk in the strip club, ignoring my friends, I look for the one that reminds me of you, There you sit in a dark corner as if waiting just for me. My buddy passe's me and heads straight for her, "Thirty minute VIP for the old man young lady!" She takes me to a private room and pushes me down on a couch, raising one leg up so her ankle is by my ear she leans in close, "What's it gonna be Birthday Boy?" I pull out my phone and play her the sound of your voice,"Do you understand?" Her eyes grow wide, she licks her lips,"yeah baby I get it." hot and breathy in my ear. She rips open my shirt and digs in deep, opening up my chest like a trained surgeon. Holding my pounding heart in her hand, caressing it like my cock she begins tattooing your name across it in delicate black letters. When she finishes closing me up, we kiss long and slow, she licks the stitches and bounds away. "Happy Happy Birthday Baby!"

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

fuck me with a purpose

My friend calls me to tell me about her new boyfriend, how he has a small penis and it hits her in all the right spots, her last boyfriend had a huge penis and she hated it, now she has orgasms which she didn't before. Then she talks about work, the movie business, boring and theater stuff, extra boring. I'm glazing over, these are not the areas that make us such good friends, but we are so i endure. Then she says, "I will preface this with I really like your girlfriend.." and I say, "But?"
"In all the time I've known you all your relationships have been with very strong, sometimes bitchy, usually very crazy women. More often than not curvy large breasted women, all women I'm sure could kick my ass. All in all very passionate relationships. Your girlfriend is very thin,pretty but almost waif like, very nice, funny and grounded. For such a passionate, romantic, freaky kinky guy, she seems a little sedate. I wonder if this is a result of your divorce, I wonder if you traded in passion for control."
I tell her that I have thought about this already and yes I have traded passion for control. I no longer want crazy passion,I don't want someone to be the center of my universe, I left that with my x-wife. She tells me that this is horrible and sad. This goes back and forth a little more, we say good night.
I like what I have with my girlfriend, it's probably the most "normal" relationship I've ever had and "normal" to me is like porn. Yes I get a little bored sometimes, but the trade off seems worth it. It's nice to keep my own crazy in check. I'm addicted to the crazy, the bloody passion, the chemistry thing, like a junkie for the chemistry thing. I used to be a pro at turning my life upside down, I don't want that any more.
We don't have a crazy passionate relationship, but we laugh a lot, were nice to each other, we have a good sex life, sometimes a little kinky, and she feels loved. That's enough for me.
I've purged, I feel better, thanks for listening.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

ramble #57 cowboy's, indians, and satanists part1

I was driving to work and spied a head in the street, a Halloween decoration, hair matted on a fleshy skull.
It reminded me of when I saw my first severed head, I've seen two. I was six walking down the street with
my grandmother when an accident happened 15 or 20 feet ahead of us, a bus, a car, and a person. As we approached
the gathering crowd you could see feet sticking out between the bus and the car, blood, and stuff that looked like
hamburger bits and strawberry soda. My grandmother pulled me behind her as she talked to another woman blocking my view.
Thinking about what I saw, the angle of the feet, the bus, the car, logically made me think I should look under the bus,
so I did.There it was a head, or what was left of a head, you could make out a moustache, an eye, some hair, and Lot's of
blood and hamburger. I yanked on my grandmothers hand to tell her what I saw, but she shushed me, I waited a moment and
yanked again, and was shushed again. Very loudly, as loud as a six year old can be with out yelling, "Grandmother there
is a head under the bus!" She shrieked and picked me up and started walking away from the scene. My grandmother is very
sweet has far as I'm concerned, she's always treated me the way a grandmother should. Sometimes I think about the whole
family though, my grandfather who adored her till the day he died, he was like a very large Cary Grant. Once he lost
all the weight and was a healthy Cary Grant, he was doing something he loved for a living, but my grandmother didn't think
it would keep her in the life style she so desired so she told him to quit,he did and gained all his weight back, not good.
I look at her three kids, my father, my uncle #1, and my other uncle #2. My father, with whom I speak to very little, a tattooed
shell of a man, someone who has lived a very rough life by choice and is now paying for it as a pathetic old man. Uncle #1 Married
four times, alcoholic, 2 of his 3 kids in jail, not very happy, but my favorite. Uncle #3 has lived near or with his parents his
whole life, has had very few girl friends and has been a physical mess for the last 25 years, we've never gotten along. There
entire youth was centered around my grandmother and how much my grandfather adored her. I guess I'm lucky that my grandparents
adored me and I missed out on what ever dynamic fucked everybody up, yes because I am the picture of mental health.
You know what I mean jellybean? My grandmother says that.

I wrote this in notepad-cut and paste-looks like shit.

Sunday, October 18, 2009


I can't seem to get off this dark stairway
I sit in the dark at the bottom
I look up I see light
I rumage around on the floor feeling for things
I can't see but I know are always there for me
It's so easy to just sit here in the dark....
wondering about what's at the top of the stairs.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

sometimes lust ain't pretty

I am a f@@d netw@rk addict and yes I want to fuck S*ndr* L33.

So shoot me.

"It's the best thing you can put in your mouth." S.L.

Friday, October 9, 2009

jane says

The hole is ocean size
sometimes I try to fill it
sometimes I don't, I give in
a walking shiny meat suit am i
a puppet with no remorse
as baseline as i can be
often i can feel it as i try to climb out
to see it in it's entirety would be numbing
I try to dress it up and present it as art
It's not pretty, I'm not pretty.
fold it up and put it in my pocket.
Swing hard
Swing fast
say good night.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

like it matters

I don't know what's up, the weather,hardly drinking for a few weeks, I don't know, but I am so absolutely completely worked up like a teenager. Sunday I went to the mall to buy some levi's, I spent 38 minutes talking to a hot young sales girl, had to make myself walk away. Yesterday I went out with my hot friend, all we talked about the entire time was sex, we never talk about sex. I love the way she says cock. Today I spent an entire management class playing games with a totally hot woman in a sexy business suit. I want all kinds of sex in all kinds of places right fucking now! I am very awake and aware, maybe I'm not working enough. I love this and hate this equally. Awesome head in the shower this morning, didn't make a dent at all. Rambling, done.

Friday, October 2, 2009

October, I love it.


Wednesday, September 30, 2009

hey-hey my-my

Tim looked over at Stacey, she looked so lovely in her pretty new negligee against the generic vanilla interior of the motel room, he felt his heart wince as he took a deep breath.
Stacey was searching for the answer in the popcorn ceiling, what was wrong? This was there first time; it should have been as magic as there courtship had been thus far. There had always been some underlying feeling with other men that told her to stay reserved, but not with Tim. She sat up and looked at him, “am I not pretty enough? Talk to me baby. I’ll do anything you want, you know that.”
As if a bell went off in his head he reached over and smeared her lipstick across her right cheek and spit in her face, with his fingers he pulled her mascara down her cheeks like black tears. As he was ripping her negligee he looked into her face and said, “I love you, but I can’t do pretty.”
At first total shock, total shock at how wet she had become so quickly, it was flowing. She wanted him to flow, as the word pretty left his mouth she punched him in the nose, the blood began to flow.
They looked at each other with excitement and recognition, finally after only whispering such things in hidden dreams, flesh! And so it began.
Hours later, beaten, bruised, bloody, defiled, and content, they lay in each others arms exhausted, sleeping like babies. The air smelt of debasement, the room looked like murder. They lived happily ever after.

The End

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

monkey's fly

Sitting on the edge of a chair looking down a hole

Looking for the piece of my heart
that seems to be missing

Scraping up some sludge around the edges of the hole with my thumbnail.

I roll it between my fingers into a ball and then into a plug of sorts.
I open my shirt and dig into my chest and stick my finger into my heart, seems the same size.
I jam the sludge cork in, perhaps I'll feel whole again, maybe I won't.

Or nothings missing and my expectations are to high and now I have a sludge cork in my chest with no purpose at all.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

aah choo!

This represents my mood perfectly today. I'm digging a ditch with a sexy babe taunting me.

Friday, September 11, 2009

4 T

if you were candy
you would be my favorite flavor
i want to taste you
i want you to lick me

if I were a lion tamer
you would be the lioness
i want to dominate
i want you to tear me apart

if you were a disease
i would be afflicted
i want to breath you deep
i want to fuck you deep

if i could actually write
this might be a little better

i very much want to hold your hand
and kiss you on a blanket in central park.

the end

Friday, August 28, 2009


punch me in the face
paint it red-blood

give me something to believe
anything, i'll put it on my skin
I'll put in the basket-something

not enough/it's never enough

punch me
fuck me
kill me
fire away...................

Tuesday, August 25, 2009


work will be hard
my cock will be hard
thinkin' of my tongue
against your tan belly
smacking me in the face
for the things i've said and done

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

like a smoke.

Just eat me, devour me in my entirety
I'm sick of giving piece by piece, be done with it
my lust for you makes me weak, although you are not my-you
your pale skin and the stinging of your lips are not all there is
except when i want a break from all for a moment, the sight of you
youthful,nasty, pretty you.
harmless pretty you.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

hey hey my my

what if you could take your soul out to wash?
mine might look like a plum, bruised purple outside,red juicy inside.
i'd use a brillo pad and some candy blue dish soap to scrub it clean.
if this was an option, would it be a daily thing or a last resort type thing?
what happens if you drop it and it rolls away, no soul for the day?
i would smear your lipstick all over it and lick it.
fuck you with it maybe, perhaps give it to you and take a long nap.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Friday, June 12, 2009


I want you to wonder how you got here
ass in the air, elbows on the floor
degraded, wanting more
sickly sweat, desperation
small tear in your eye begs me
rythmic pounding of your body aganst me begs me
hand around your throat just on the edge of a choke
paint your face with my fleshy brush
what a good girl might get

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Panties on the brain...............

when I was younger so much younger than today.........
Twelve to be exact, I used to babysit for the twins down the street sometimes.
Their mother was very waspy-pretty(?)and a lush.She was always very affectionate when she came home loaded, always a kiss on the cheek or a big hug,"someday my handsome boy." she would always say as I was leaving. I wasn't sure what she meant, but I would think about it sometimes whilst jerkin' off. One particular evening she came home very late, her make up was all smeared, she looked angry, no sign of her usual alcohol fueled sweetness. She went straight into the bathroom and then into her bedroom as if I wasn't even there. As I was grabbing my jacket to leave she called my name and asked me, "come here for a second." I walked into her bedroom and she was on the bed,propped up on her elbows, legs open, pantie's and a t-shirt. "have you ever seen one of these?" motioning between her legs. I looked down and then back into her blurry eyes, "In magazines." "Come here and kiss it." I crawled onto the bed and kissed her panties over and over all around, I was nervous, scared, excited, mostly scared with an erection. I tried to remember every Penthouse forum I had ever read, what exactly am I supposed to do. Her pantie's were getting very hot and very wet. She grabbed my hand and guided it to her pantie's, "Pull them to the side and use your tongue." I obeyed. New tastes, smells, the skin of her thighs brushing against my cheek, It was all very exciting except when she spoke, drunk and sad. At some point her movements became very frantic and she began to cry and out of nowhere she screamed angrily, "Go, Get out of my house!" She started sobbing deeply, I stood up confused, she pointed to the door without looking up. I left confused, feeling bad for her, crying and all. We never spoke of it and I only baby sat for the twins a few more times.
Sometimes I still like the pantie's pulled to the side, licking, fucking, whatever. Was I molested in some fashion, I don't think so. Inappropriate perhaps, maybe just lonely people trying to connect, whatever no need to analyze a memory. I yam what I yam.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

the unbearable lightness

Got out of the shower, my girl was laying on the bed looking at me. I towled off and shaved as she watched.
I turned to her and tucked my package between my legs and did a perfect Ted Levine impression, "I'd fuck me."
She screamed and ran out of the room.
Now she's not speaking.
Silly I say, silly.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Fuck you x thirty three

Fuck you aganst your office door.
Fuck you in a Tokyo hotel room.
Fuck you in a sweet way.
Fuck you in a degrading way.
Fuck you with mascara running down your face.
Fuck you with your face mashed into a pillow.
Fuck you while you smash my head into the asphalt.
Fuck you in your jeans you havent washed all week.
Fuck you on an old dirty matress.
Fuck you doggy style, collar, leash, etc...
Fuck you in pigtails and a pretty dress.
Fuck you when everyone else is done fucking you.
Fuck you in your own filth.
Fuck you in your prom dress.
Fuck you while you watch weird porn on the internet.
Fuck you when were spent.
Fuck you while you talk to strangers on the phone.
Fuck you while we laugh.
Fuck you as we pretend to be well adjusted adults.
Fuck you bent over a chain link fence while a crowd gathers.
Fuck you while I pull your hair a little to rough.
Fuck you while you smack me in the face.
Fuck you spitting on you.
Fuck you with a strangers cock in your mouth.
Fuck you on a roof in a lightning storm.
Fuck you like I care.
Fuck you anyway you can take it.
Fuck you on the floor after fight club.
Fuck you sleeping.
Fuck you like an excited teenager.
Fuck you till I hurt.
Fuck you like a 70's porn star.
Fuck you sticky sweet.

Friday, April 17, 2009

sensitivity training

were you just abusing yourself to donny and marie?

I should piss in your ass, you little fuck, little dirty fuck.

don't cry, you know your my best girl.

R U a little bit country or a little bit fucked up?

Monday, March 16, 2009


I had a brief, but lovely relationship with a puerto rican girl named Farrah. She was an absolute vision, sweet as can be, perfect skin to run your hand's over forever, perfect body, heaven. Sex was amazing- best oral ever - no joke, fucking, kissing- I think I could write an entire book on her lips, every thing! Well, wait, there were two things that bothered me; 1.)during sex she would call me poppy, I took this to mean daddy, didn't work for me and "make me yours" while fucking, someone told me this meant get me pregnant. 2.) Her husband, I had no clue, showed up at my apartment with a gun one day. I could have lived with the first one, but not the second one, she lied. I would have married her, seriously.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


I am home alone. I have spent a large part of the day not being able to focus on anything other than the TV, literally. I am bored.

I have jerked off 4 times, watched 3 episodes of CSeye NY, the news, bad news- who really cares that c.bale freaked out on the set, boston legal, porn etc.

I've just finished my third Jack and coke, I will now have some vodka.

I blackened a 14 oz. steak with fried onions,garlic, and potatoes, fucking yummy.

I talked to my completly self obsessed newly divorced friend, I would rather have talked to you and had some kind of naughty phone sex based on the concept of fucking mostly clothed aganst an office door.

I will have eye surgery, minor, in two weeks, I'll see better.

I am so fucking bored right now.................

Saturday, January 31, 2009


If you were here, I would pull you in my office by the hand, close the door and push you up aganst it. I would grab you by the back of the head and pull your mouth to mine, maybe a little to hard at first. My tounge seeking out the smooth surface of yours, enjoying it's softness before it reacts and they begin there little wrestling match. I stop just for a second so I can bite your bottum lip and as you react I grab a handful of hair and pull your head back your mouth open, I spit in your mouth and immediatley stick my tounge back in to retreave it. Your lips are all wet, I can't get enough of them,the taste of your mouth, the heat, It's an all out feeding frenzy. The zipper on your jeans hurts, but I can't stop rubbing aganst you, the heat so encoraging. Our lips getting a little numb, a little swollen. just makes me want to kiss you more and more.



the joy and pain of adoring youth, i really want to write this in response to the many thoughts and feelings the "adonis" post has given me, but I'm watching a Boston Legal mini marathon. The three young lady's of this show have my complete attention at this moment.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

um broken

I coulda' had a blowjob before work today but I declined.

I'm being a little bitch right now.
I won't stop.

I have to have minor surgery, completly minor, on my right eye.

I get to rock a black eye patch for a week, I should be happy.

I'll see better, I should be happy.

Alright get over yourself, it's not like I'm loosing a kidney

Saturday, January 24, 2009

and a fine day for cleavage it has been

I was jerking off today, oh what a surprise, and I heard something out side the window, it was my nextdoor neighbor cleaning her yard. She's not a hottie, but she's very cute in a librarian kind of way and has big boobs and when she's working outside she bends over a lot exposing a lovely line of cleavage. Although I didn't look out the window at her while getting off, it made it all the more exciting that she was there. I imagined her sneaking up to the window and watching me, getting all wet, reaching into her pants and fingering her self. I imagined how soaking wet her hand is sliding two finger's in and out of her swollen, hot pussy. Knocking her glass's off, licking her lips, spreading her legs apart so she can reach in a little deeper.The tension builds, she's biting her bottom lip to keep quiet, her legs are starting to quiver, her underware is soaked. Ah yes!

I went outside afterwards to get the mail, we chit chatted for a moment. Yup I would definitely fuck her gladly.

Friday, January 23, 2009

monkey man

I've been spending far to much time masturbating. I get up at 9:00am and usually leave for work around 2:00pm, I usually manage to do it 3 or 4 times in that time span. This is not good for my productivity. I often wonder why I can be such a perve. There are many factors I'm sure but I always wonder about one thing in particular, my testicles. When I was 6 I mouthed off to two drunk teenagers that were bothering me and my friends, as a result one of them held me down while the other one repeatidly kicked me in the balls till I passed out. I had to go to the hospital and had to take drugs for a few months. My left testy is half the size of my right one. I think the kicking or the drugs jump started my adolescence at 6. I started jerking off at 6. I remember the first time I came, I freaked out for half a second, I thought I had broken something. So perhaps shooting a load at such a young age and becoming obsessed with Playboy and Club at such a young age has contributed to my overall freakiness to some degree. I've been very lucky though, women like to fuck me, but even with all the fine feminine poltitude hanging all over my bod in congluetness(JJ walker)I masturbate all the time. It's just something I do, alot. I will continue to analize why I am such a perve, keep you posted.

Just for the record, many years later, one of those teenagers was beat so badly he spent six months in the hospital. A year after that it happened again, poor guy.